Turning Fear into Fuel | Dr. Charmaine Gregory

Transcript

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Welcome to The Happy Doc, the voice of fulfilled physicians. Sharing life stories from physicians, health professionals, and entrepreneurs, so that you can live your happy life.

[00:01:17] Hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of the Happy Doc Podcast. My name is Dr. Taylor Brana. On this episode of the Happy Doc Podcast, I have Dr. Charmaine Gregory. She has an amazing podcast called the Fearless Freedom podcast. We’re going to talk about the podcast. We’re going to talk about what she does. Charmaine. How are you doing? 

[00:01:37] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: I am fantastic. 

[00:01:38] Dr. Taylor Brana: Let’s get a little bit of background about your story, what you’re up to in life. So tell us what, what specialty are you in? 

[00:01:45] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: So I’m in emergency medicine 

[00:01:46] Dr. Taylor Brana: emergency medicine. 

[00:01:48] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: I’m a rare bird because I work night shifts only. 

[00:01:51] Dr. Taylor Brana: So you’re like a nocturnist, but for EMed? 

[00:01:55] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: That’s right.

[00:01:56] Dr. Taylor Brana: Oh, you’re wild. 

[00:01:58] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Yeah. It’s crazy. 

[00:01:59] Dr. Taylor Brana: You’re like a wild stallion. And in the world of EMed, I don’t know if I’ve heard that. 

[00:02:06] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Yeah. I mean, it’s funny because people are like, Oh, how could you do night shifts? But you know, I’ve done them for 14 years and I cannot imagine doing it any other way.

So yeah, I dunno. It’s like one of those things where you have the, first of all, you have a certain personality that goes into emergency medicine, and then you have another personality set that goes into a working nights only. And I guess I fit both of those categories. 

[00:02:29] Dr. Taylor Brana: Amazing. So that’s very interesting. And what I really like about that is again, in this podcast, there’s just so many people, different styles of medicine, and we all have to find whatever, what our preferences are. Right. So tell me a little bit more, let’s go back to your initial interest in the field of, not just emergency medicine, but medicine as a whole. was there a specific moment that inspired you? Was there something that happened in your life that just said, you know what? I need to go into emergency medicine specifically, just medical school?

[00:03:03] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: So it’s interesting because I don’t know why I wanted to go into medicine. For whatever reason, when I was about eight years old, I decided, I just declared it, that I was going to be a doctor.

And at this time I was in Jamaica cause that’s where I was born. And that’s where I lived for 10 years of my life. And so I was there and really, we had no exposure to doctors. I mean, I had a doctor that I saw, and that was really my only exposure. And so I was that kid that went to the doctor’s office and asked for shots.

Yeah, I know it’s very strange, but I was that kid and my mom, she noticed that I was interested in it and she noticed that I wasn’t losing interest in it. And she saw that I was a good student and she figured, this is probably something that she’s gonna be able to do. Now the way that it’s set up on our Island is that, there is one medical school.

And so, it’s, it’s very competitive to get in there. It is at the time, because this is back in the eighties, right? So at the time there were several other islands that were feeding the school, feeding the medical school. So not only did you have to compete against the best and the brightest on the Island, which.

There were a good number, but you’re also competing against the best and the brightest and Trinidad and Bahamas and St. Lucia and everywhere else in the Caribbean. And so it was extremely competitive. So you had all, you had obstacles, I would say. And it wasn’t a guarantee that even if you had the desire to do this thing, that you would actually make the grade to be able to do things.

And so she basically decided that around sixth grade. So for us, we go to primary school or prep school, and that is, kindergarten to sixth grade. And then we go to high school after that. So we take an exam, you have to do well on the exam to get into your, your choice, high school, et cetera, et cetera.

So there’s all these different hurdles, like different competitions that you have to go through. And so she was just kinda like, well, and there were some political things happening in the country at a time, too, that she was a little bit, not really at ease about the standings or even a child that was intellectually gifted, having the opportunity that that they should have, right.

Because there’s, there’s, sometimes you have a place where money kind of talks and things don’t happen the way that it should. Right. So we weren’t in the money category. Yeah. So she decided that, let’s go to another country and the options were to the UK, Canada and the United States.

And she looked at, who do we have in those countries? We had more family in the United States than we had in the UK or in Canada. So we came here and she basically said, well, whatever you decide, I mean, I’m thinking you still wanna be a doctor, but whatever, whatever you decide, is this just going to be an opportunity for you to have more options if you decide to go that way.

And, and then, I honestly, and this is a dead truth. I had no idea what it took to be a doctor until I was already in medical school. Yeah. I mean, I knew I did. I just, I just knew like, okay, I want to do this thing. And you have a vision of what the thing is, but you don’t. I mean, I wasn’t really going out. And I didn’t have the exposure to the thing that maybe, like my children would have if they decided they wanted to come and see what mommy does, but I didn’t have that. I just had a vision of what it should be. And as I said, I want to do that. And then I just did the things necessary to get there.

And so I’m in medical school now and I’m like, Okay, what am I going to do here? And I actually thought that when I went into medical school at that, for sure that I was going to be like the next real life Dr. Scarpetta, I don’t know if you know what that is. There is an author. Her name is Patricia Cornwell and she writes these amazing novels and they are literally like murder, mystery type things.

But she’s the medical examiner. She’s the forensic pathologist. And her name is Dr. Scarpetta and she works with this guy whose name is Marino. He’s a, he’s a police detective, or a Lieutenant or something. Okay. And the two together, like she goes and she finds all of the clues on the bodies and then, they go out together and it’s always intriguing and lots of, lots of drama involved and, ultimately they solved the case after,

[00:07:50] Dr. Taylor Brana: It reminds me of House

[00:07:52] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Exactly. And so I was intrigued by that. I was like, Oh, that’d be kind of cool to solve a mystery. That’d be really fun. And so I had every intention of doing that. And then I had a very awesome experience because, I’m always the kind of person that says, if I don’t know something, I’m just going to go to the person that knows it and ask them about it.

And so I was like, well, who’s the person here that does this job. I want to meet that person. And so I was introduced to the medical examiner and basically said to him, I was like, I want to come and shadow you. I want to do what you do. And so I got there and he said, no problem. And we did an autopsy.

I was a first year medical student. Yeah. So I dunno, I was 20, however old you supposed to be at that time. It’s a long time ago for me cause I’m 45 now. So everything is like, Oh, I was really young then. And so, basically deeply. You know, we did the thing and I’m chatting him up the whole time, because this is like how I, now that’s kind of how I’m always.

And so he was just kinda like at the end, this is a really, this man is like a sage, he’s like got all of this, this, this, this canon of knowledge, like in his head. Oh, and then, he’s not as – I was taller than him. I’m 5’7″ and he was shorter than me. And he was balding, he had a really thick, like Persian accent because he’s from Iran.

And so, he’s there, he’s like, I can’t even reproduce the accent, but I wish I could because he goes: “Charmaine. You’re too social for this.” That’s literally what he said to me. He was like, this is not for you. You’re too social. He was like, you need people that are going to talk back to you because 

[00:09:38] Dr. Taylor Brana: sounds like Yoda or something.

[00:09:41] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Yes, he does just like Yoda. I love Yoda, by the way.

[00:09:46] Dr. Taylor Brana: Oh, you just gave me a very Yoda-like picture of this person, this person’s wise. And he’s just watching. And he’s like, Charmaine, not for you.  

[00:09:54] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Not for you.

[00:09:58] Dr. Taylor Brana: Well, like a man of few words, just like bestows this –

[00:10:01] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: He was a man of few words and he’s like, you have too many words, you can’t do this. 

[00:10:08] Dr. Taylor Brana: Awesome. Okay. It sounds like you basically, if I were to just take a step back, summarize what you said, it just sounds like you had that innate, eight year old dream. You’re the one that seeks out shots. I don’t understand what human wants to get – you are the true Provaxxer are over here, huh? 

[00:10:31] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Yeah, pretty much. 

[00:10:32] Dr. Taylor Brana: I know. But, so, you had this innate interest. you sought out the process, you had the vision, you even traveled to get to the US, to be able to go through the process.

Right. And you had the experience, now you’re in medical school. What, was there a moment for emergency medicine? Like. A lot of people get it when they’re on their clinical rotation. Like, what was it for you? Like, Oh, this is it. 

[00:10:55] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: So I’m telling you, there’s a lot of serendipity my life I have to say, or maybe it’s, I don’t know, does chance favor the prepared mind? Maybe that’s it.

So basically, well most medical schools, I’m going to assume again, I’m talking about what medical school was like 20 years ago. And basically we had this intro to clinical medicine course and literally part of it was, you did the concept in class and then you went to the clinic with a mentor and then you actually implemented a thing.

So it’s like, if you’re doing the history, present illness, you learned that thing, that day you would go to the clinic or wherever and you’d practice that. So I got hooked up with a physician who was an emergency physician. So I was doing my client calls in the emergency department and I walked in and that was like, Oh, what is this?

This is cool. And you know, it just so happened that for the whole, cause you have the same clinical scenario or the same clinical mentor for the whole time that you have that course. And it’s a two year course. And so, I was constantly in the ED. And so I said, I’m just gonna, I’m not going to jump to conclusions because I don’t have it, all the information.

Right. Which is a joke, because my whole job is dealing with disasters with little information. And so I said, alright, but to be fair, I’m not going to do an early closure bias. Right. I’m going to see what else is out there. So third year, I just decided to do every single rotation, I was just going to do the rotation as though this could be the thing that I do for the rest of my life.

And so that’s kind of how I went into it. And so everyone, I liked them all. Well, not so much surgery. Sorry, surgeons. I hated it.

[00:12:44] Dr. Taylor Brana: Yeah, Surgery was just not my thing either. 

[00:12:47] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: I can’t stand for that long. Like I just can’t, in one spot. I can’t stand for that long in one spot. And so maybe it was the job that I had, pulling back things, I don’t know.

I just basically, I was like, okay, this is fun. Cool. You get to do some really cool things. I mean, doing amazing things, you know? Absolutely. But I just couldn’t see myself doing that for 20 years or 30 years or however long your career is supposed to be in medicine. And, the same thing with OB, the same thing with the pediatrics, with all of them, they were all fun.

They were all awesome, but I just couldn’t really see myself doing it for a long period of time. And then what I found was was, particularly with internal medicine, I just cannot concentrate for that long. I just can’t, I’m like a squirrel, you know what I mean? 

[00:13:36] Dr. Taylor Brana: The squirrel thing probably worked for something else, right?

[00:13:41] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Yes. Yes it did. And so then I went back to the ED and it was just kinda like, these are my people. This is it. You know? So that’s kind of what happened. 

[00:13:53] Dr. Taylor Brana: Yeah. I feel like that’s definitely a theme is, a lot of people do rotations and then they’re like on a few, it doesn’t have to be one rotation, but like on specific clinical rotations, they go over and they’re like, wait a second.

Like. I feel at home here. Like, I feel normal. Like, it doesn’t even feel like work, like when you were on, when you were in it, like in the beginning, when you’re starting to do it, did you just feel like at peace, you just felt like this is what, I’m doing my thing and like, it was just rolling?

[00:14:19] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Absolutely. Absolutely. It was definitelylike, I felt as though the people there understood my weirdness, like they, they got me, they understood that I can’t really focus on anything for like hours. Like, just get to the point, like tell me what you need. 

[00:14:36] Dr. Taylor Brana: Yeah. That’s awesome. How did you, how did you deal with like, again, everyone’s different, right? But like when you had your first like acute trauma or like something that, you know, the pressure was on. How do you, how did you deal with that? Like, did you feel ready for it or, how was that situation?

[00:14:54] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: I felt fine with it. It’s strange. It’s very strange. You know, I mean, of course when you are in the role of a student you’re protected, right? It’s not like you’re the attending and buck stops with you and whatever happens in the room is on your shoulders.

That’s a whole other conversation. But as a student, I was like, Oh, sweet. Here was an opportunity for me to see the magic, right. Because it is a magic that happens with tip, particularly with a trauma, sick trauma. And so the, the place where I trained, it was a level one, urban county hospital.

And so we saw some crazy stuff. And, there was a great opportunity for two worlds to actually come together because what would happen is, you would have cooperation, a cooperative effort happening between the trauma team and the emergency staff. So, it was cool because it was like, you, you knew that emergency was going to be the airway.

And you knew as a student that you were getting on the procedures, it’s like, you’re going to be doing a fall. It’s exciting. And tap the Foley, the NG / OG tube. Like you knew you’re going to be doing it. If there’s any stitching to be done, you’re going to be doing it. So, you kinda knew that when we had something like that, like a trauma situation, You are going to get to do stuff, which is what you want to do as a student.

[00:16:28] Dr. Taylor Brana: It’s interesting too. Cause like, as you’re talking about it, I see you smiling and I see you getting excited and these are the exact reasons I feel like it was for you, right? Cause when, when you had the opportunities and the procedures, you’re like, yeah, let’s do it. And I know the exact opposite types of people like, Oh, I don’t know.

They get nervous and they get concerned. They’d rather do something else. So, I think like everything you’re telling me, of course it’s The Happy Doc, so I’m going to throw my 2 cents here, but like, it’s the, I see your like authentic enthusiasm for the field. And I see you are excited.

Like I see you perk up, even as you’re talking about like dropping the NG tube or like going in for the foley – gross [laughs]. I’m seeing the theme here, just like so excited to be part of that process.

[00:17:13] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: I love it. No, it’s a jam. 

[00:17:16] Dr. Taylor Brana: Yeah, that’s great. so, let’s fast forward a little bit, cause I’m now curious, so, you’ve gone through your specialty.

You’ve learned about emergency medicine. You’re going through this process. Clearly podcasting is – if we go back 5, 10 years ago, this wasn’t a thing to do. And I know a lot of physicians. At some point, they feel like they want a little bit of a change. What happened or what was going through your thought process that you wanted to start to maybe go in a different direction.

[00:17:49] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Okay. So I’m, I’m just going to give a quick statement about this because I don’t want to get, I don’t know if we’re going to go into this piece, but I basically went through burnout and I went to burnout probably eight years ago, maybe now, but it might’ve been longer because I didn’t recognize it as going through it.

And so as a part of coming out of it, which was another surreptitious event, I actually was focusing on my self care. I was focusing on a physical transformation and, as a consequence of focusing on a physical transformation, I was also led to start doing a mental transformation by doing personal development on a regular basis.

So the two kind of went hand in hand, and then I was able to identify that I was in burnout and the shrapnel that came and, and all the accoutrements, the negative accoutrements that came with that. And so what happened is because I went through that experience and I was dedicated to doing personal development.

I continued to do personal development. From there on out. Right. And so then I was able to understand what happens – the funny thing about personal development is every single time that you do it, the more introspection that you do is the more things you find out that you need to improve upon within yourself. And so one of the things that I realized was just like how my, my whole system, my whole interaction, my whole, everything was not right with my burnout scenario, the same thing I found out, I had a fear of public speaking. And so you might be like, what, how could it be a fear of public speaking? I dealt with a fear of public speaking, throughout medical school, throughout residency. I was a chief resident in my residency, and I had to give presentations all the time.

All throughout the early days of my career as a faculty member, like I literally had a visceral fear of public speaking, but I adapted to it. I found a way around it, and I actually thought that it was absolutely normal to not get any sleep the night before you have to give a talk, literally zero sleep. And anyone who is a performance person.

So whether you’re an athlete or you’re an actor or whatever it is that you do, you all know that you need sleep. You need to have that cortisol boost. You need to have replenishment. You need to have a refreshed body or fresh mind in order to perform at your peak. And so I would go into every presentation with zero sleep.

And then I would be at the venue getting ready to talk and I literally would have palpitations. So my heart rate is normally fifties, early sixties, and I would be pumping away at 130s, 140s, easily. And it was literally like, my heart was saying. I’m done with this incarceration, get me out of this cage.

And I want to make a run for the hills. literally it was like that. And then I had sweaty palms. I had sweaty armpits. I had to literally wear a blazer every time I spoke, because I was just so conscious of the fact that I might have embarrassing moisture, like on my blouse or something.

And it would be distracting to the audience or it would be offensive to somebody. And, so that was all the stuff that was happening to me physically. And then, I had a mental replay that it was not positive, that was happening, because I literally had this thought that has kept on, kept on playing over and over.

And it was literally Charmaine. You’re going to go and you’re going to trip on this wire to this microphone and you’re going to fall flat on your face. You’re going to break your face, there’s going to be blood on the audience, blood on your suit, blood on the a floor and then you’re going to try to get up and you’re going to slip in your own blood, and you’re going to break another piece of you.

Then when you finally get up, when you finally get it together and you go to the podium and you go to click the clicker, not a single slide is going to advance and you open your pie hole to speak not a single sound will come from it. And so this is what I went through and I worked around that. I still performed, despite that, but that’s not normal.

[That’s not a really good use of your energy. That’s not a really good use of your brain power and it takes away from the delivery of the content that you’re providing to your audience. And so I realized this, I recognized that I had this fear of public speaking, and I decided that I was going to face my fear and do so boldly and that I was going to do it in a two pronged approach.

And so the first approach was I was going to desensitize myself, just like somebody who has an allergy. I was just going to put myself in a situation as much as possible, so that I would then not feel as intense these emotions, these situational things that were happening to me. And I would hopefully be able to transform that fear into fuel for performance.

[00:22:56] So that was the first thing. So I became a public speaker and basically, that was part of it. And in the second part was, I said, I’m going to start a podcast. And the podcast is going to be about facing fear. And it was a selfish reason for starting a podcast, because I literally was like, I want to start this podcast because I want to document my journey of facing my fear by getting on the stage in front of these people and really making a difference in how I perform, because

I’m going to be facing that thing that I feel is holding me back. And so, that’s how the podcast got born. And, it’s been such an amazing journey because as a podcast has actually brought me full circle because not only have I had the honor and the privilege of having so many amazing people come on a show, talking about, how they have faced fear and, and you give pearls to the tribe about facing fear and about going around and stepping over it, pushing me.

However you decide to do it, it has been phenomenal. And then my own personal growth over the time that we’ve been doing the show has just been tremendous. Like I never would have imagined that it would be anything like this. And of course, being a podcaster, you are practicing your public speaking skills.

You get better at listening, you get better at questioning. And so all of those things compound to make an amazing effect. And then of course, the way that it comes full circle is I got an opportunity to speak, not once, but twice at podcast conferences. So, it’s like, you know what I mean? 

[00:24:40] Dr. Taylor Brana: [Cheers] 

[00:24:40] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: It’s wild. It’s like both worlds came together. 

[00:24:43] Dr. Taylor Brana: It’s amazing. And what I love about that story you just told is again, we all have different steps. I think the one thing that people don’t realize about fear is like, you don’t just disintegrate fear about something right away. Right.

It happens in these like, little steps over time. You don’t watch like your biggest idol and expect yourself to be that idle because we don’t see that. Like, if you want to be like, a crazy, lifter or something, you have to go incrementally up the weights. It takes consistent work over time.

You can’t just become this person. Right. And what I love about what you said is like, you’ve acknowledged so many steps of this story, you had a crazy amount of fear around this, you went through all of medical school and residency giving these presentations and sweating bullets and imagining these worst case scenarios.

And then all of a sudden you’re like, you know what? this is it. And you went for it. And I just think that’s such an inspirational and encouraging story about what happens to you when you look at the demon or the dragon or this figure that you have in your mind, and you say, you know what, I’m going to look it in the eye and I’m going to slowly yet, surely I’m going to make you weak. I’m going to take away your power. You’re not going to control me anymore.

And I just, I think that’s so cool. And it’s, it’s all about the hero’s journey and

Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Yes, that’s it, I was in my cave.

Dr. Taylor Brana: Charmaine, you’re a hero now, that’s it. And you battled the dragon and interestingly enough, right? Like you’re hopping on right now. you’re battling it right now. Like you’re with me, you’re with me and we’re fighting it and it’s very beautiful. I actually want to go a step back for a second into something you mentioned really early, because I think personal development is definitely something I’m interested in.

I know, obviously you’ve mentioned you’re interested in it. And it’s, it’s definitely a sort of, the journey of wanting to go into the personal device element, that step is so important, it’s a very unique step for every person. I know for me, there’s the story for me, but what was the trigger?

What, what painful moment or events you’re just like, I need to do something different for me. Like, was there like a moment you’re like, I need to start to grow? Like, was there something there? 

[00:27:06] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Well, so, okay, so you’re making me tell the burnout story, Taylor. So basically what happened is I was, I came out of residency.

I was fired up. I was like, yes, I’m like brand new attending, going to a place I’m going to get teach residents. It’s going to be fantastic. Also with all my excitement. I had no direction as to where within my specialty, I would find my home, what was my niche? Right. And so, as a consequence of that, I thought that the best thing to do, then if you aren’t aware of what your direction is, is just take all the roads, say yes to all the roads.

And so everything that came up. I basically volunteered and said yes. So they said, do you want me to teach medical students? I was like, yeah. Do you want to teach the residents? Yes. I mean, everything, literally kept on saying yes, because I figured if I said yes, enough times, I would find that place that would be my place for the career.

And so that was happening from the career side. And, life of course does not wait for your career to take a direction, whatever. And so, I was very blessed, very fortunate to have found my spouse, before I graduated. So I literally graduated from residency and then the next week we ended up getting married.

And so, we’re a young couple and we’re like, okay, we’re going to have some children, et cetera, cherbubs, by the way. And so, we were doing that. We were trying that, and then we weren’t sure if we could do that. And so we finally got pregnant and super excited, but of course, very guarded, not saying anything to anybody.

And then unfortunately we ended up losing our baby on Mother’s Day, 2007. And so, I did what every emergency department physician would do, which is take that loss, package it up in a little box, the Loss box, and tuck it away. Because you have to see the next patient. You gotta see the sore throat, so you just lost a patient, but he still needs to get that compartmentalized so you can go see the sore throat.

And so. That trauma was not dealt with. And you know, constantly, things were happening, not as dramatic as that. We were indeed blessed with three children that are fine. and so that was, was good. And then after a third child, I was always very active. I literally played sports all my life, and I was very active.

We worked out, I worked out all the pregnancies. I ran a 5K 27 weeks in the last pregnancy, like all the things and I, the pregnancy went fine. She came fine. And then. I said, okay, after the six week respite or whatever it is, I was going to get back into running. I’m not a runner. I pretend to run. You know what I mean?

You know those people, 5K is about as much as I could really do. And it’s kind of walk-running. It’s not really, all out, a four minute mile kind of deal.

[00:30:10] Dr. Taylor Brana: Yeah. But good for your health. 

[00:30:12] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Exactly. Exactly. It’s movement. So I thought I was doing something because I was pushing the two of them.

Well, the two younger ones, in a stroller and I’m running these 5Ks and I’m running one every month. And then we got to like a third one and I hurt myself and I didn’t know how I hurt myself, but I injured my right knee. And so this injury. It was good and it was bad, because this injury, kind of thwarted my activity because what happened was nobody could figure out what was wrong.

I literally had multiple Dopplers of my leg because my leg was literally swollen to the point where people thought I really had a DVT. Negative. I had multiple times, my orthopod took fluid upon fluid, upon fluid out of my knee and still not any better. I had an MRI that basically said it was totally fine, which I knew it was not, so all these things.

So now we’re talking about. It was literally a whole year. So from the previous summer to the time when we actually went to the operating room and made the diagnosis was a full year. And during that time physical therapy, all the things. And I lost about 45% of the muscle mass in my right thigh.

I lost range of motion in my right knee, like all these things. And I was obviously not moving. Like I was before. What happens when you don’t move? Even if you’re not eating a lot, you start getting some generosity in the midsection. Right. So I had that and I, and I didn’t think too much of it really because I was living life. I was doing the things, right. And when we finally made the diagnosis and he basically told me that I had a meniscal tear that was cryptic, I was like, okay. And then he also said that there was so much debris in my knee that it looked like the knee of an elderly person. I was like, okay.

Yeah. Weird. And so ultimately, He fixed me and I was good. I was like, all right, sweet. I can go back to moving again. So of course I start, but you never got to be at the level that you were when you were doing something for a whole year, right? You’re de-conditioned. Your body is just not where it needs to be.

And so, whatever. So fall came and I had to give a talk to one of the one of the resident conferences, and I went into my closet and I selected my favorite suit. I love this, there’s a black suit. It’s really nicely tailored. I’ve had it forever. And so I go to take up the suit and I’m like, I pull the, pull the thing off the hanger and I put one arm in there and the other arm in there and I go to button the jacket, and the buttonhole and the buttons decided to have a divorce. They decided they were not going to unite at all. And that’s how I was like, okay, maybe this is a jacket. It’s probably just the jacket. And I go and put on the pants and those Larry’s decided they were not going to negotiate my hips.

And that was just like, okay, no, this is it. This is it. I literally laid down on my closet floor and just started balling. And that was my moment. That was my moment. And I said, you know what? This is not going to work. Kind of like that. I had that moment with, with the public speaking fear. And I was like, this is not going to work.

I was like, I have to do something. And so I have, we homeschool and I was part of a homeschooling moms group. And so one of the moms, she also was having an epiphany in regards to her physical form. And so she decided that she was going to put together an accountability group. And so I said, yeah, I’ll join that.

And so I joined a group, but it was different. It was, yes, it was accountability for, getting in your workout at the time was six days a week, getting into half an hour, six days a week. But it was also personal development. The focus was also on personal development and it was then. That I actually fell in love with it.

Cause I was like, wow, this is cool. Like, wow. And then of course, when I started doing that, I realized that, hitting the snooze button at 10:15 when you’re supposed to be at work at 11, not good. And then having to tell your body to get from the recumbent position to sitting up and then telling your legs, swing around, put one foot on the ground, and then getting to the hospital and white knuckling the steering wheel, and then having to literally convince every last finger to release their death grip and thumbs. Wasn’t normal. Not normal. 

[00:34:54] Dr. Taylor Brana: That’s a really powerful story. I mean, I appreciate you for going through that with me, cause I know it’s often, it takes a lot of pain, right, to really, awake us to want to take that next step. And I want to appreciate that. also, I kinda got a little emotional when you had your epiphany moment.

Cause, even though it was a very different story for you. I also had a very, I think powerful moment for myself. To want to transform. And I think that’s the really exciting moment. I like listening to that because I think, for those who take on a personal journey to develop themselves, you have to have that inner fire.

[00:35:40] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Oh yes. 

[00:35:41] Dr. Taylor Brana: it really, and I, I know I’m speaking to you about this and you and I both know this, but you literally feel, at least for me, You literally feel a fire is something just turns on inside of you and you just feel this deep desire to take it yourself to a kind of a new level.

It’s like the metaphor of the butterfly that’s in the cocoon. And then all of a sudden just has this desire to start to stretch. Right. And that’s, that’s a really beautiful transformation metamorphosis. And that’s super inspiring, when I hear that from someone else, it gets me fired up and I’m like, let’s go, let’s take on the world.

But the personal development journey is incredibly powerful. And it’s something you cannot explain to people, but once you take this journey and just to go back to what you said before, as soon as you start to face the dragon or the fear or whatever that you’re tackling.

And you went into public speaking that gave you the tools to take your life now to a new level, you could not have imagined. Right?

Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Yes

Dr. Taylor Brana: I know it’s a yes, because that’s how it is for me. And I know that we’re in this together, which is also a reason I wanted to have you on. I know we see each other all the time peripherally, but it’s great to have this conversation with you.

So, let’s go into this transformation piece. Now you’ve kind of moved forward. You’re facing your fears. What sort of things are you tackling now that you didn’t even think were possible?

[00:37:14] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: So, I mean, I never thought it’d be possible for me to get in front of all the people that I’ve got in front of, in particular, doing presentations in front of individuals is one thing, but I think that for me, one of the most thrilling moments was actually being able to do a presentation to other podcasters.

I was nervous when I was doing the grand rounds or doing the within medicine type of talks. It was when I actually had to go with my new peer group, which are the podcasters, that I was the most nervous because I was like, man, what are they going to think?

Are they gonna like me? You have this complete imposter syndrome going. But that was very, it was very, exhilarating at the same time. So the most recent experience was, I guess the last live conference before we went into sequestering, basically was in Florida, Podfest.

And so, I’m at Podfest and I’m talking about using fear, like basically using fear to fuel your drive, to start podcasting, to do the thing. I had to use a Star Wars theme, by the way. That’s why I was kind of happy when you said Yoda.

[00:38:34] Dr. Taylor Brana: Let’s go with Yoda. 

[00:38:35] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: I did, I did the whole, the whole thing with that.

Cause Yoda is the master of fear. Like he can recognize fear and he can give you the advice that you need exactly. To help you to face your fear. And so, I did that and I relayed that to the group and it was just the most, I thought it was even more exhilarating because it had a double meaning.

It was, here it is, that I even got introduced to this whole other world because I made a decision. To face my fear. And then, now I am able to share that with this new tribe that I’m a part of and it just made it very, very exhilarating. And, I felt like that was a very powerful moment. 

[00:39:22] Dr. Taylor Brana: I love that. And I talk about it as the positive compound effect, which is, inadvertently, and we don’t realize this, but when we trust in our path to work on ourselves and actually dive in, it has a compound effect where one, it positively impacts our personal life. And if we do it long enough, it actually positively impacts everyone else who then can then learn from you and trust themselves.

Right? So. Through that. I mean, I’ll just give you a little personal thing today. Someone reached out to me randomly today, after again, this is, we’ve done podcasting for a consistent time, and someone reached out to me today and said, Hey, I love your podcast. Can you teach me? And I thought that was just like, and I thought that was so cool.

Completely random. Right. And someone, someone sent me a message and I’m sure you stories of that as well as people are starting to reach out to you. Like, they look at your transformation, they look at what you’re doing. They’re interested. So you’re taking on these, these different projects. So like to go back to what you’re talking about a little bit before, what projects are you taking on now that like, you mentioned obviously public speaking and teaching, what sort of things like, what can people expect from you? What are you up to?

[00:40:35] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: So this year I faced another fear, right? So we talked about the fear of public speaking. I was challenged by another podcaster, who was also a physician to, because what was happening was, I was having what you’re experiencing people coming and asking me questions about podcasting.

And I was constantly answering the same questions and it was a lot of time. And so I was challenged by this person. And, basically they told me, you just need to do a course. And I said to myself, so I’m afraid I don’t want to do this. Cause I don’t know what I’m doing. I have never done a course.

I have never done anything that’s with that kind of structure. And so I answered 2020 with that fear and I did it anyway. I basically said, okay, I’m just going to talk to some people who’ve done it and do a little bit of market research and just put it together, put it together. And of course the next fear was no one’s going to attend it.

No one’s going to purchase it. Nobody’s going to be part of it. And the first run of it was less than successful. I would say successful in that I had three people sign up and one person retracted. I had two people and I was. You know, kind of torn about that because I was just kind of thinking, man, I put all this effort into this course.

I put my love into this course, and I’m only able to share with two people and it actually turned out to be a good thing because both individuals wanted a reset with everything that was happening, cause it was kind of coinciding with, with the crisis. And so the second iteration was very much a success. And to the point now where we have a couple of the shows have actually launched. And one of them has been out for 30 days almost and has over 400 downloads already.

[00:42:32] Dr. Taylor Brana: Wow. That’s amazing.

[00:42:33] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: So, it’s like mind blowing. I never would have guessed that that would even be possible because like I said, I had no clue what I was doing, I literally just said, I can just share what I know. I just will share it. And I just hope that it’s in a form that people will understood. People say that they understand when I say things, cause I try my very best to make it in bite sized bits that are understandable because that’s how I learn.

So I kind of teach how I learned. And so it turned out really well. So that was the first. You know, that was the big fear that I faced this year and came to fruition in the course. And then, that was a success. And then I already have people on the waiting list for the next one, which is next month. Yeah. It’s kinda crazy. It’s crazy. 

[00:43:18] Dr. Taylor Brana: No, it’s amazing. And I mean, and it goes to say, like that saying, give a man a fish, you feed them for a day, but you teach a man to fish and they feed themselves for a lifetime. And, you’ve learned to fish and you’re gaining the skill in a new area that, I think is really amazing and podcasting in and of itself is..

I just, I mean, again, I’m speaking to the, I’m preaching to the choir here, but it’s just such a powerful medium. Like we’re doing this right now. We’re having an authentic conversation and we’re talking about something and we’re putting this on Facebook Live. Right. And we’re, we’re putting in us on a podcast.

[00:44:02] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Hi everybody!

[00:44:02] Dr. Taylor Brana: For people who are, who are listening, we’re waving and we’re excited about it.

It’s crazy. I had this conversation actually earlier today. You don’t know who’s listening. And when you tell your story and that’s why I wanted to get to like the meat of the personal change and the personal development, because, when someone hears your story, it doesn’t matter who it is, I got emotional listening to what you said and I’m going through it already. Right?

So for those who are just at that tipping point, like I truly believe we have this beautiful opportunity in this world to really just turn up the planet, up a gear.

And I think you’re one of those people that is really doing it. And so it’s very exciting for me to speak to you. I’m very blessed. I’m very grateful for that opportunity. It’s awesome. I love it. 

[00:44:55] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Oh my gosh. Thank you, Taylor. So nice of you. 

[00:44:58] Dr. Taylor Brana: You’re doing it. What can I say? I get excited about it. So, that’s awesome.

So for the sake of time, and I think we’re going to have to have you on again. For the sake of time. I’d love to at this moment. There’s two more questions I have to ask you. Number one, is there anything you felt like you wanted to share or that something that came up as we were talking that we didn’t touch on?

[00:45:19] Dr. Charmaine Gregory:  The advice that I give to whoever is listening is, you have to – we as a whole – have to stop comparing ourselves to others. You may listen to my story. You may listen to Taylor’s story. You may see our shows, all of the episodes that we’ve put out, and all of that. but you might be in that moment where you’re thinking about starting a show, or maybe you’re just starting. don’t look at how many downloads or how much interaction we have because we’ve been doing it for a lot longer.

So try not to compare your day one to somebody’s middle of chapter or end of book, because it’s just not a fair thing. And always remember that you are constantly in progress. So no matter where you are right now, you’re not going to be in the same spot, unless you choose to be. And in the future, you can literally make things happen on an incremental basis that will put you in a better place in the future than you are right now.

So don’t compare, and remember that you’re in progress.

[00:46:30] Dr. Taylor Brana: I love that. And as you were saying that, I’m like, yeah, that’s, that’s a very good reminder. And I think often when we’re teaching people, we forget that, that we don’t see that gap and it’s okay to be where you’re at. I love it, it’s so true.

and then the last question I have for you, very simple is, how can people find out about you. 

[00:46:51] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Oh, so I did not get the blue bird to align with the rest of social media. On Twitter, I’m @charmsfitdoc. Everything else. I am @charmainegregorymd on YouTube, on Facebook, IG and LinkedIn. 

[00:47:36] Dr. Taylor Brana: Awesome. So we are going to share your links on our show notes. And, for those of you who are listening today, if you ever want to check out our episodes, I’m going to be putting it on my Facebook. I’ll be sharing that to Charmaine’s Facebook. You’ll be able to see that stuff. And, I’m just, I’m really excited to talk to you. I’m excited to have this conversation, move forward and, yeah, Charmaine, it was great to have you. 

[00:47:59] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Thanks for having me. 

[00:48:01] Dr. Taylor Brana: I really do you feel like you’re a happy doc, and so it was a pleasure to have you

[00:48:04] Dr. Charmaine Gregory: Aw [laughs] [00:48:05] Dr. Taylor Brana: Take Care

[00:48:07] Dr. Taylor Brana: And that’s the episode for today. I want to thank you so much for listening to the Happy Doc Podcast. Again, this is a podcast that is going to inspire you as a physician, as a health professional, as an individual to be fulfilled in your life, so please look out for the other episodes in The Happy Doc. If you enjoyed today’s episode, please leave a five star review on the podcasting application of your choice. You can also reach out to us by emailing the happydoc1@gmail.com. I’ll see you on the next episode.