The Podfather Chronicles – Chapter 2: Overcommunication

by Neel Desai, M.D.

The Happy Doc Podfather Playlist

 One of the most valuable lessons I have learned in my personal and professional life, as well as working on The Happy Doc, is the value of communication. We know it is important in all aspects of our lives:

Family: “Call your mother. Call your children. “

Dating: “How how come he/she ghosted me? They aren’t texting or calling me back? ” 

Marriage: “Wait, why didn’t you tell me your mother and sister were coming to visit? Why didn’t you call or text to let me know you were going to be late for dinner?” 

Patients:  “How come no one has told us what is going on? We haven’t seen any doctors all day. No one can give us any straight answers!”

Colleagues at work: “Why didn’t you tell me this about this patient? How come no one told me this changed (at the office/hospital). When did this happen?!”  

So what can we learn from all this? The clear lesson is that many misunderstandings, arguments, disappointments, and frustrations arise from either poor communication, miscommunication, or no communication at all. So what do we do to address this? We over-communicate. This is something I have found to be so effective in my own personal and professional growth, especially over the last few years with my work on The Happy Doc. Here’s the deal. You can never over-communicate enough. Let me say that again. You can never over-communicate enough. And for those in the back and to prove my point, you..can..never..over-communicate…enough. Allow me to explain.

It is better to err on the side of over-communicating your thoughts, fears, goals, desired outcomes so you and the party you are communicating with have a higher likelihood of  being happy and satisfied with the results. I mean that is what we are after here right? Creating collective compounded happiness? Yeah, that’s our jam. As is alliteration. Told you I’m all about that alliteration. See what I did there?

I know what you are  probably thinking. Yeah, yeah, communicate, blah blah blah. That’s great dude, but how do I this? Well, it starts by taking the time to get clear on what you want in your own head. Share what you are struggling with, what you know and don’t know, what you are feeling and thinking, why you are you are thinking what you are thinking with who you are communicating with. The more you do this in an authentic, unfiltered, transparent, and vulnerable way, the more you own your humanity and start creating stronger meaningful connections with the people you interact with most in your life. And then ask for what you want, what you really want, not what you think the other person wants to hear. This can save a lot of resentment and toxic negative headspace on your part. 

Just a few practical examples:  

Marriage: “Do we have any plans Sunday? I wanted to watch the game with my buddies at the bar. I have a meeting that night so I am going not be home for dinner.”

Work: “Hey colleague, I can’t work that weekend. My daughter is graduating from school. Can we switch?”

Patients: “This is what we know right now. This what we don’t know. This is what we plan to do and why, and our course of treatment will be dependent on these next results. But we will keep you informed as much as possible as soon as we get this information.”

Children (age appropriate, of course): “You need to eat right to feel good, grow to be strong, healthy, and get plenty of energy.”

Friend: “Hey, I am having a hard time with this. I’m really frustrated. Can we talk this out?” 

Potential significant other: “I am looking for a serious committed relationship now with a mature adult who knows who they are and what they want. I’m not looking for anything casual.” You get the idea. 

Over-communicating is how we have a more quiet peaceful mind. It is the antidote to the world of distractions we live in, and a winning strategy to have more fulfilled relationships with our colleagues, communities, friends, and families. 

Now if you will excuse me, I need to call my mother, tell my kid why he needs to eat a vegetable, talk to Taylor about some things I am struggling with, and schedule a date night with my wife. 

If you like this post, check out my Podfather playlist – many of the inspirations for our podcasts and posts come from this playlist. 

The Happy Doc Podfather Playlist

Neel Desai is a father, family physician, active contributor to The Happy Doc, digital creative evangelist, and all about alliteration. Follow him on Twitter/Instragram @drneel1973.